Brandon Block
Brandon Block reflects on music, addiction and the long road to recovery. He speaks honestly about the moments that made him change, what addiction looked like at its worst, and th...
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Who are you?
Hi, I'm Brandon Block, dj, life coach, health mentor, wellbeing advocate, amongst other things.
What did addiction look like for you at its worst?
Firstly, I don't like that word, addiction. I think it's an old word to describe a human condition, which is inherent. We have the capacity to all become addicted, let's say. It's a habit forming humans are creatures of habit. And if we like something, we'll do it again and again, it, it's stigmatised because obviously substances aren't great for us. Drugs especially are bad. They're illegal. They don't do us any good. Alcohol's the same. But if I said to you, I'm a gym addict, it wouldn't be shunned upon if I said I'm a chocolate addict. It would be brushed away. So lots of people have addictive natures, and I think the proof of the pudding is that it's not genetic is that young children, if you give them an iPad or an iPhone and try and take it away, two or three weeks later, you would seen the creation of an addict, notifications and everything else that goes on with the technology. But what it looked like for me at the time when I realised that I had a problem, finally, it was horrendous, full of fear. Probably the scariest place I've ever been in my life. And I think that's probably what got me out of it, the fear of living in it for the rest of my life. So yeah.
What was drug use like at its worst?
My drug use was, I think the word is chaotic, entrenched, horrendous, full of fear. I was literally functioning cocaine addict amongst other things. I was taking all sorts of drugs. But I mean, again, I've not taken drugs for 27 years now, but I can't describe the depths of fear and pain I was in at that time. My last using it was horrendous. It was like I was in constant pain. I was in constant physical pain, constant mental pain. There was no respite until I stopped, and that was it. There was no way that the medication, the self-medicating was working anymore. I was taking more and more. I was dying physically. I was dying mentally, and I can't describe the pain that the anxiety calls me, even when I stopped. I mean, I didn't have a miraculous light bulb moment when I stopped taking cocaine and become incredible overnight. It's a hard, difficult, painful journey. And the first couple of years I sat in a room catching myself like this, rocking backwards, forwards. I was just so fearful of everything in the world. And they say once you're in the grips of say, let's say addiction for argument's sake and bad habit, you don't mature. You don't mature emotionally. And that makes sense because you're so focused on that one single thing you're doing. You do forget the outside world. So you are not going to, you are inhibiting yourself from the emotion of growing and experiencing life. So I totally understand it and I still to this day think I missed out on stuff, which I'm still catching up on. Maybe I'm just 10 years behind. But I think knowing what I know now, if I'd have known back then, I definitely wouldn't have gone as crazy.